Learning to Love. Four lessons on showing love from the apostle of love

Lessons on love from the lives of John and Gaius from 3 John

3 John 1 – “The elder to the beloved Gaius, whom I love in truth.”

The Apostle John is also called the Apostle of Love, owing to his untiring emphasis on Christians to love one another. In the Third Letter addressed to his personal friend Gaius, one gets a glimpse of what brotherly love really looks like. John commends Gaius in this letter for his love towards the Saints. By studying this letter certain truths can be gleaned of how the fruit of Christian brotherly love is manifested in the lives and relationships of those that possess it.

For the Christian the ultimate picture of love comes from Calvary. But, the scriptures also provide examples to us from the lives of the early Christians, who after being touched by the transforming power of the cross, displayed a remarkable love for each other in obedience to their Lord’s new commandment. 

From the lives of John and Gaius in 3 John we see four characteristics of what brotherly (or sisterly) love looks like.

1) Brotherly love is Warm and Endearing:

3 John 1 – “The elder to the beloved Gaius, whom I love in truth.”

John always began his letters with an open and unabashed confession of his love for those to whom he wrote. His greetings and tone were always warm, sincere and expressive, affirming the recipients of his true love for them. What joy it would have been for the recipients to hear of his genuine love for them, strengthening the bond they already shared.

True love is always characterized as warm and endearing, drawing our fellow brother closer to our heart. It always seeks to communicate the value, worth and preciousness of that person to us, securing and reassuring them of our affections and reminding them of their privileged place in our hearts. The apostle was not ashamed to verbally express his love for the brothers openly and repeatedly, what about us? Do we shy away from sharing our feelings verbally? Do our words convey love to our brothers and sisters in our fellowship?

Five times in this short letter John expresses his love for Gaius, both directly as well as addressing him as beloved. This is the first lesson for us on love. Hearty, warm and loving tones must fill our discourses as we fellowship in church as well.

Let us not limit our verbal expressions of love to our earthly family alone. Our loving words must form the bricks in the wall that surround our communities making them sanctuaries in a world fraught with despair and loneliness. Though our culture or background does at times try to constrain our expressions of love for one another, let us remember that the love of Christ transcends all barriers, transforming the lives it touches. Like John let us greet every occasion of fellowship with warm and endearing words to our brothers as we seek to build loving communities.

2) Brotherly love Rejoices in the success of others:

 3 John 3 - 4 – “For I rejoiced greatly when the brothers came and testified to your truth, as indeed you are walking in the truth. 4 I have no greater joy than to hear that my children are walking in the truth.”

The next characteristic of love is one that is particularly applicable to the shepherds of God’s Church. 

The above verses provide us an excellent example of what a shepherd heart looks like. They underlie the basis for the attitude that an overseer in the Church must have toward the spiritual growth of those under his care and mentorship.

An unmistakable characteristic of true love is that it always rejoices in the success of the object of its love. The genuine joy that floods the heart of a parent on the success of their child is a very good illustration of this point. On the contrary, a loving parent who is intimidated by the growth and productivity of his child, even if that growth outshines his own, is practically unimaginable. The same should be true of the attitude of all Pastors, Teachers and Leaders towards their flock.

A true test for any shepherd who confesses love for his spiritual children is his hearts reaction to the spiritual successes of those under his care. Pastors, whose function in the church entails the equipping the people of God for diverse works of service are especially prone to the vice of developing insecurities towards their mentee’s who begin to grow publicly in their gifting’s and show great promise and potential. They must think deeply on and prayerfully imitate the humility and love of our Savior who not only gave His life for His flock but promised them that they would do greater works of service than He ever did.

The abundant joy John received on hearing of his friend Gaius’s spiritual progress was genuine, uplifting and heartfelt. The success of his fellow brothers and spiritual children were not seeds for insecurity but rather a source of genuine, unadulterated God sent joy. Enough cannot be said about the need of this virtue of love in our lives and churches today. Our genuine joy in the success of our brothers and sisters must never be traded at our personal altars of self-absorption, self-promotion, jealousy, envy, pride and competitiveness. All these ultimately leave us isolated, lonely, insecure and low, making us susceptible to all kinds of manipulative and evil tendencies.  This is never God’s intention for His children, rather His will for us is to experience a holy joy as we share in the joy of the successes of our fellow family members, for we are called to rejoice with them that rejoice. Let us never feel threatened by the gracious working of the Lord in our brothers’ lives in comparison to ours. Instead let us learn to find our security in Christ, trusting that all His plans for us are for our best. For God will never withhold anything from us that we need to be happy and content to the fullest, both here on earth and in eternity.

Therefore let us resolve with all our hearts in the strength of the Lord, that our greatest joy may not only be in our own successes and triumphs but also in those of our spiritual children and fellow brothers. May we by God’s grace say with the apostle – “For I rejoiced greatly when the brothers came and testified to your truth….” 3 John 3.

3) Brotherly love is Always Hospitable:

3 John 5 – “Beloved, it is a faithful thing you do in all your efforts for these brothers, strangers as they are..”

The Apostle commended Gaius for his love for the Church, which was witnessed firsthand by the brothers, who later testified of it before the Church (v.6).

That commendable form of love that Gaius lavished upon the Church was his gracious and generous hospitality.

What made Gaius’s hospitality all the more admirable was that the brothers were not only strangers, who were travelling evangelists, but also dependent on him for their sustenance. To them Gaius’s home provided them with the love, security, nourishment and fellowship that they so desperately needed. John records that he made efforts for these brothers, showing that in extending hospitality Gaius had to exert himself, to make sure that the brothers were made comfortable in every way during their stay with his family.

True hospitality always includes the aspect of forgoing some of our own comforts, time and personal space for the sake of those we minister to in our homes. But the Apostle, under the inspiration of the Holy Spirit, exhorts Gaius (and us) to do so ‘in a manner worthy of God’. What John means by this is that our hospitality must be done in a manner worthy of the Master we serve and the task that our guests are engaged in i.e. the building of God’s eternal Kingdom, over which our Lord Jesus is the Head.

May our hospitality reflect the passion, love, respect and honor we reserve in our hearts for our dear Lord and His mission and for those who toil and strive for His Kingdom, keeping in mind the high regard God places on such faithful ministers of His mercies.

May the Lord Jesus open our hearts and homes for His people and kingdom purposes. Let our homes be filled with Godly traffic and let us administer hospitality not with grudging hearts but in a manner worthy of God.

4) Brotherly love is always supporting:

3 John 8 – “Therefore we ought to support people like these, that we may be fellow workers for the truth.”

Though the brothers in v.5 were strangers, Gaius’s motivation in helping them was that they were fellow workers with him in the Truth.

The Apostle John gives Gaius the additional charge in verses 6 & 7 to provide enough for the brother’s journey back to their churches on completion of their stay. John said this keeping in view the fact that they had chosen not to take aid from the gentiles they were preaching to, perhaps out of fear that they may be accused of pedaling the gospel for material gain.

Just as Gaius loved the Saints when they were at home with him, the apostle reminds him to continue to show love for them when they are away.  

This brings us to the last point on brotherly love. True Christian love always supports and partners with those engaged in the service of the Lord Jesus.

True love is never an idle onlooker when the object of its love strives and toils alone at something. It is compelled to rise up and lend a helping hand, joining its strength with the other, assisting in accomplishing the task.

Our attitude to our brothers who labor selflessly for the Lord must be the same. Elsewhere John asks a piercing question on how someone can claim to love God and at the same time ignore the needs of his brother (1 John 3:17). Our Lord said that where our treasure is there our heart will be also. There is no surer indication of our hearts desires than what we spend our money and time on. Therefore if it is within our power and means to support those who serve the Lord extensively, then like Gaius we must heed John’s advice to support our fellow full-time workers.

Let us not be indifferent to their plight, turning a blind eye to their needs, allowing them to soldier on alone. We need to be mindful of their needs and provide for them. But let us not do so with an attitude of a benevolent patron but rather as a fellow worker blessed with extra resources, engaged in the same work of building the Lord’s kingdom wherever He has placed us.  Let us then gird up our loins and strive for the Kingdom alongside our brethren, being always ready to supply every need. That way they will be lacking in nothing to do good and will be able to walk with integrity before unbelievers, testifying to the faithfulness of our Great God and bringing glory to His name among the peoples.

Prayer: Sovereign Lord, thank You for the love with which You loved us, giving up your everything for us. Enable us by the power of Your Holy Spirit to imitate Your love seen in the apostle John and Gaius. Help us love people with our warm and endearing words, by rejoicing in their successes, by showing them hospitality and by supplying their needs in proportion to the grace You have given us, all for the glory of Your Name. Amen.